explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize