my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
