Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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