I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my shit smells like andre
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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