you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
