The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You're earring is so big in my mouth
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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