I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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