i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
