i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
