Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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