she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
