I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
