Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
