How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
