but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
