Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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