I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize