Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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