i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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