who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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