i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
