yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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