I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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