He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
