..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
