Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
