can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Randomize
