I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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