Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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