my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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