So drunk its hurt
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
