he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He better not be in your backpack
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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