Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
