Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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