We won't sleep together?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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