shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I touched a dick in church today
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
