Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The Olympian is in my bed
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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