people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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