He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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