Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
