No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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