omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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