I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
