I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
