I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
A+ Viking dick
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
