He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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