Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
