If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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