NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
