She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
