dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Randomize
