hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
