She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
