miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
