After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
birth control should be required to get into college
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
