is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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