Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
