hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
