cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
