I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
