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How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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