I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
high people should be assigned attendants
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
