I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
