The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
