dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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