This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize