everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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